One of my clients, who I have been working with for quite a while now, wrote:
'The other thing I wanted to talk about was your fantastic newsletter - I really did like the topic. It was interesting particularly for me because I have been thinking a lot recently about how many of my dreams in my life so far really are dreams borrowed from or strongly influenced by family; many of my goals have not made me happy when I achieved them, whereas giving up goals and going with the flow has given me amazing experiences, better than anything I could have imagined largely because at the best of times there has always been a hint of pure magic. So that's in my mind as a topic to discuss on our next session.'
So the above has inspired me to put the following 7 tips together hoping that they will help you get a wider perspective in terms of what success really means for you and how you can mindfully measure it for yourself:
1. NEVER compare yourself with others.
Even Desiderata raised that point saying that 'you may become vain or bitter' and I don't think these are welcome states in anybody's life. Whenever tempted to compare, stop, take a deep breath and say to yourself: 'They on a different path, I am on mine.'
2. Remember that SUCCESS consists of many different areas.
Don't extend what you categorise as FAILURE in one area onto all the remaining areas of your life going into self-blaming mode and the POOR ME mode. Things that happen in your life are meant to teach you something and whatever is happening draws your attention to what you need to learn/master next. Be open to the flow of life.
3. Take time to get to know YOURSELF better.
What makes you happy in life?
What makes you feel good?
What helps you cope in difficult situations?
What are your guiding values?
What does 'achievement' mean for you? ... and any other questions that you never dared ask yourself . What have you been ignoring or denying to notice about yourself and your life? Asking yourself questions is really useful, because then you can face your reality AS IS, without feeling the urge to make it beautiful for others to admire...
Read books, watch webinars, listen to free podcasts, get coaching, meditate, go to workshops, talk to friends who lift you up and provide inspiration. Take time to be in silence with yourself. Accept not knowing all the answers.
4. Define areas that are REALLY important for you at THIS stage of your life. Don't cling on to the past, don't get anxious about the future. What is really important for you NOW?
- intimate relationship/romance/marriage
- family (including parenthood)
- health and fitness
- money and wealth
- fun and relaxation
- personal growth
- religion and/or spirituality
- community / charity (local/regional/global)
- other (what exactly?)
Draw a circle, divide it in chunks representing your selected items or download a coaching wheel and see where you are standing now. Give yourself scores from 1 to 10 (the highest) for each item.
Then decide what your desired score would be. How could you get there? Brainstorm for ideas. Implement what feels most feasible HERE and NOW, no matter how insignificant a step it could seem to you. Give yourself time-scales if that is what motivates you.
5. You are constantly evolving and building on what you have absorbed from different people and experiences in the course of your life.
What have you learned so far that still supports you?
What do you need to let go as it no longer supports your feeling successful or your overall well-being?
What have you learned from your mother and father or your carers about what success is? What have your parents/carers achieved in life? What haven't they achieved for various reasons? How are their lives a message for you?
I hope this helps and fingers crossed for your well-being wherever you are. Click here to go to Part 2.